Putting YOU back into YOUrself

orginally posted by: Lisa Holt at www.lisa-holt.blogspot.com

One of my very first English assignments as a freshman in HS was to go home and ask a parent to list the
top five people in their lives that they loved….in order. This was one of the few assignments I actually went home and did! I posed the question to my mom, because if I would have asked my dad I would have had to endure an hour long conversation about his reasons for listing those that he listed and how that could relate to a life lesson!!! Mom was busy cooking supper so I figured I could get away relatively quickly. Her answer surprised me. The person that she loved the most was herself, followed by God, my dad, and me and my sis. Her reason was that if you didn’t love yourself, how could you possibly truly love anyone else? Ok, cool, whatever, I had an answer and off I went. The next day in English class the teacher asked everyone to share the person their parents listed as loving the most. Several answers were given before she got to me. Many said God, others said their children, spouses, parents etc. Then it was my turn. Well I wasn’t about to tell everyone that my mom loved herself more than anyone else. So, I gave them her second choice, God and my turn was over. There was a girl in our class that was painfully shy, and not very attractive. We all know those kinds of kids, their clothes are rumpled and their hair never looks combed or washed and you just kinda know, even as selfish teenagers, that those kids are poor….really poor. They never fit in and they are never the cool kids. Well when it got to her turn she said her mom said that she loved herself more than anyone else and gave the same reason as my mom. The teacher was extremely impressed with that answer and it ended up becoming a huge class discussion. The shy kid got an “A” and everyone else got a “B” on that assignment. Who knew???

Fast forward a whole bunch of years. If I asked you to list the top five people in your life that you loved, would your name even be on the list? How high would you rank yourself? When did you take YOU out of YOURself? Like the old saying goes “Momma knows best”. If you are a miserable, unhappy person, how can you bestow happiness upon others? If you are unhappy about your appearance, how can you bestow confidence upon others? If you are not strong enough to take yourself out of a bad situation, how will you ever be happy? If you don’t feel as if you are deserving of anything good or positive, how can you expect someone to give that to you? If you put everyone else in your life first, when will it be your turn? If you don’t love yourself, how can you love anyone else?

Loving yourself at first glance seems a rather selfish notion. As parents, especially mom’s, we tend to put everyone else’s needs above our own. We take care of the house, the bills, the groceries, the kids, the errands, the homework and tell ourselves that if there is time left at the end of the day we are going to devote that time to ourselves. But guess what? At the end of the day after taking care of everyone else’s needs, we are too tired to take care of our own. How long do you think you can go on that battery without recharging it? At that pace, it won’t take long before things start to break and the balls start to fall, and we feel as if wev’e failed.

If you are waiting for someone to come along to make you feel good about yourself, or to make you feel loved, you will be waiting a long time. There is only one person in charge of you happiness and that’s YOU. YOU are responsible for making YOU happy, not a spouse, or a child, or a puppy, kitten or job. YOU own that responsibility. When you learn how to love yourself, you can achieve levels of self confidence that you never thought you had. You will learn to try new things in life and not wait for the opportunity to just “come along”—you will learn to create opportunities. You will learn and accept that you are not perfect but you will have the strength to strive to be better every day. You will learn to turn your dreams into goals and your goals into reality You will learn that you don’t have to “settle”, you have worth and YOU matter in this world.

So, I am giving you permission to put YOU back into YOURself. Dedicate some time every day just for YOU. Tell the family that is YOUR time and ask that they not interrupt you unless there is blood or fire. YOU get to choose the activity, whether it be taking a long walk or jog with the dog, reading, writing in your journal or blog, exercising, taking a group fitness class, a bubble bath or any other activity that fills YOU back up and recharges your battery. After about a week of doing this consistently, you will start to feel less stressed, less “used”, and less like your life is dedicated to everyone else. You see, just this little piece of time will give you the push you need to be your best YOU! And being your best YOU means loving YOURself for who you are. When you can do that, you can truly, freely give that love to others.

Oh, and the poor, shy kid from English class….She graduated HS with a 4.0 GPA. I heard she got a scholarship to a BIG college, graduated, moved away and now has a successful career in nuclear medicine. She must have been paying attention that day in English class.